Chavette

I just have to tell you about what happened to me today, as its just too funny not to.

 

I was on my way to work this morning, on the usual train, when I noticed this young chavette { a.k.a. - female chav ... loud, stupid, dripping with gold jewelry, tarty designer clothes, pink glittery cell phone, dodgy accent and brains at the bottom of her fake Armani handbag ! } talking on her mobile to her friend on the train.

 

She was nattering away, dawdling far too slow for her own good, and generally just making a bit of a nuisance of herself. It was at that moment that fate intervened and I saw a golden opportunity to have a little fun at her expense that was just too tempting to pass up.

 

To help set the scene, you have to know that we were travelling to London on one of the new fully electric trains which have two sets of sliding doors between each carriage. To open these doors you only have to press the button on the door from the old carriage and then step through where a motion sensor will pick you up and automatically opens the second  door, normally that is.

 

For these motion sensors are not always that sensitive and it can often take a bit of effort to get them to work. A sure way to make the second door NOT to open is if you are hesitant to step up to them, as their range is limited and they don't seem to pick you up on the other side of the first door.

 

From her conversation it was easy to guess that she had never been on an electric train before and seemed reluctant to risk getting stuck between the carriages. Thus, this is where I allowed a little devilment and wickedness to run through me and quickly hatched a devious plan which was sure to entertain me, even if only for a short time.

 

As I was sitting almost next to the door, I calmly got up from my seat, walked across and said to her that there was a card detection device on the other side of the door, and to go through you have to show your ticket to the sensor.

 

Then as if to demonstrate and prove my point, I got my own ticket out and waved it towards the motion sensor, which detected the movement, and opened the door. Naturally her only thanks was a quick ta, before walking on and through to the next carriage, fully believing my instructions.

 

With her now back on her way I returned to my seat, but I could not help but chuckle to myself at the thought of wondering how many times she will get her ticket out and wave it at the motion sensor thinking that that she has to do this before either she realises for herself or another passenger tells her the truth.

 

Once again proving that money, jewelry and a pretty face mean absolutely nothing in the survival stakes, and furthermore that when civilization suffers its inevitable collapse I already know who will be among its first casualties.

Wonderful Praise

I popped round to visit my sister last night, as part of an errand to feed my other sisters cats, but of whom I could not find her front door keys.

As it turned out I had got the wrong weekend, so didn't have to rush off at a certain time, and so instead I decided to stay for a bite to eat and a bit of a chat.

During the conversation my sister said that she had inherited our mothers fondness for "decent and respectable" people, almost to the level of being a snob.

As we all shared our families very humble beginning, we all like to think that we have bettered ourselves throughout our lives, so to call each other a snob now and again is not always such an insult as it first turns sounds.

For example, I am very houseproud, so I don't mind being called a snob in that all the furniture in my house is new and not second hand off my sisters or leftovers from the previous house owner.

But what put a huge beaming smile on my face is what she turned round and said about me, but before I tell you, can you guess what it was?

Well it was the matter of fact statement - "But not you Dickon, you will look for the good in anyone!"

It may sound like a line from a politically correct movie, but to hear it from my own sister { who never pulls her punches when she's with me } when its just immediate family around, made me feel like a billion euros or more.

Personally I feel tat it is important for my own self esteem & self respect to live up to a set of principals that I set for myself, but to learn that others not only notice but grudgingly admire me for it is even better.

After that even the drizzling rain on the way home could not dampen my high spirits.

When friends go bad

There is an age old saying "Never a borrower nor a lender be".

 

I have never really held this true, and on this occasion I chose to lend a good friend { at that time he was one of my very closest and had been for years } some money to get himself a 2nd hand car and I also lent his my two television sets.

 

I won't go into the hows or whys, because it irrelevant { just take my word that he's an overbearing, paranoid and jealous pr*ck and I finally got sick of his behaviour}, just the result is we parted as friends.

 

The bad news is that he had not repaid me the money I lent him when we went our separate ways. The fact that he was now not going to repay me the money I was prepared to grudgingly accept, but I saw no reason why I should let him continue to enjoy viewing tv on my television sets.

 

So I arranged with his girlfriend {my true best friend for many year} to collect it over this weekend. However when I rang up on Friday to find out what time he replied that they were already outside waiting for me to collect.

 

That's right, this complete and total puss boil on the face of humanity had decided that he didn't want me even entering his house to collect my own belongings, and without telling anyone had just thrown them out and let them stand out in the rain all day.

 

What a ******* waste of space he really is, and what a way to thank me for all the years of friendship and trust I gave him in me lending him the sets in the first place.

 

It really makes me stop and think ... I believe that there is much truth in

 

As pure and innocent as snow, we are born into this world - and it isn't until we are shat upon by those we once had a care for, that we lose this innocence and begin to distrust and disrespect the world and everyone in it.

 

But we must not let them win. We must not give in to the hate, distrust and double standards that are rife in this world. We who want to live in a better world, must go on caring, must go on trying and be prepared to be hurt in the hope of finding true happiness.

Lazy Sundays With A Cold

In all the world there are as many different things to do or think as there as people.

 

For example, I have heard people quote that "There are more stars in the sky, than grains of sand in the whole world".

 

How can anyone say for sure that is right ?!? Unless of course your going on the logic that the universe is truly infinite, but the number of grains of sand on this world is not ( many billions of trillions perhaps, but not never ending ) thus the first will dwarf the second.

 

Or, as a mate of mine said upon viewing the amount of fast food menus pinned up on my kitchen corkboard, "Do you ever actually cook?".

 

Even assuming I was THAT lazy and THAT rich, surely out of boredom I would have tried it a few times out of curiosity !?!

 

Well they are the first few thoughts that floated through my mind as I woke up this morning.

 

With my lodger away this morning it gave me a chance to do a few things in comfort and in my own time.

 

Thus I have compiled two short lists of things best to try and not so great to try on a lazy Sunday morning while you have a grotty cold.

 

Great :-

 

* Reading your mates latest blog entries.

* Seeing how much Vicks Vapour Rub you can smear on before it becomes overpowering and actually makes breathing worse.

* Listening to soft rock and indie music.

* Randomly watching Jonathon Creek episodes curled up on a real leather sofa wrapped in a fake fur throw, while scoffing mint aero and quaffing doctor pepper.

* Hoovering and polishing your best room { ok, not everyone ideal choice but I like it ! }.

* Ordering a Pizza - with a barbecue base and extra pineapple - and watching South Park with your best mate, who's also your lodger.

 

Not-So-Great :-

 

* Trying to learn off by heart the lyrics to "One Week" by Bare Naked Ladies { could not get through much before having a coughing fit }.

* Doing the washing up in a pair of marigolds with holes in them.

* Studying your daily Spanish lessons { have you ever tried to roll your Rrrrrr's with a cold and a cough ... not easy }.

* Catching up with a few weeks un-replied-to emails.

 

As I hope that I will be fit and well by next weekend I do not expect that I will be able to try out many more for awhile, but if you have any comments or ideas for things I should try next time I am, as always, open to suggestion.

Are you dating an Alien?

At the moment I am bunged up with the cold and flu, but I'm determined not to let this get me down too much. Instead I was thinking more about how bizarre links seem to crop up in the most unlikely of situations.

 

The comment that my friend David wrote about my song was very apt as he mentioned Bernie, who first began writing from his fathers place in Market Rasen. Why is this so relevant to a Gillingham born and bred poem/song writer like me? Well, for the last decade or more my father has been living in Market Rasen.

 

Admittedly this is not a solid concrete link of anything mystical / alien, but when you think of all the song writers he could have compared me to, and of all the towns in the world my father could have decided to move to, this is indeed a very eerie coincidence.

 

And after mulling that over for a short while, my mind began to wander and visited a memory of a most unusual conversation that I was having with my old hairdresser, who also was on my pub billiard team for a couple of years.

 

He was under the firm belief that he was engaged to a woman whose genes originated from another cosmos other than our own. IE - after living with her for a few years and mixing with her family he was convinced she was an alien.

 

Like you are probably doing now, I was sceptical at this, and yet also I was intrigued, and with this as a possible thread to something more I had to ask why he felt this, what possible reasons did he have for thinking this?

 

After all, did he mean that she slept three feet above the bed linen, or had a third eye or something?

 

No, it was just that her entire family had the very disturbing habit of finding / creating very similar links from two completely separate events or articles. Requiring just a bit more clarification I pressed on and asked for a specific instance he had notice this.

 

Thus he went on about how he was in his garage playing billiards with his almost brother in law, when all of a sudden his bro' in law took a shot and then lifted up his cue and said "There you go ... !", leaving the rest of the sentence hanging with a extremely cheesy grin spread right across his face.

 

It took my pool playing buddy a few seconds to catch on to what he meant, til eventually he realised and looking down at the table. There he saw that with his opponents last shot, he had potted all the red balls and leaving only yellow balls and the black.

 

But what was so relevant and spookie, was that the remaining yellow balls were in a perfect geometric shape of a star constellation ... and not just any old star constellation, but the very one that they had been gazing at together only the other night or so before whilst out night fishing.

 

Was it mere coincidence that all the yellow balls had come to rest in exactly the right positions to display the constellation, or was it something else, I had no idea. But what was sure freaky was that he said that this was only one tiny example of what he was on about, and that the rest of the family were just as gifted, and that far from this event being unusual this was very much the norm.

 

Assuming that this wasn't just general team-matery male bonding rubbish that he had made up then it certainly makes you think, and then again if people like David can make similar links then why not a whole family?

The invisible arm of the law

In the news recently, I have heard a lot about the total success of purging Medway of drugs and drug pushers. Although this might seem good news a little investigation into this has set off a number of alarm bells in my head.

I have no 100% solid proof per say, but that's mainly due the fact that I don't want to get myself flagged higher as you will see soon below!

However ... it is my firm belief that it probably went something very much like this :-

The police in general wanted to show that they were doing something positive in the war of drugs. And because they were getting nowhere fast busting the few they were catching smoking illegal substances, someone high up must have decided that they needed to take a new approach and so they switched from post- to pre- selling offences.

One bright spark ( probably an ex grower himself ) realised that to grow the illegal plants in the cold and wet UK climate, requires a lot of heating, especially to keep up the humidity.

So the police secretly went and asked all the regions gas and electricity suppliers if they could look at their records for abnormally high bills or other anomalies. And a short while later, hey presto, they got some fresh new leads { aka. names and addresses of people whose bills were different from the norm}.

They then went to the phone companies and asked to see the itemised phone contacts of these "new leads" to see if they can trace any regular line of communication, thereby confirming their suspicions. Again, a short time later and voila, a few more leads.

They might even have gone to the lengths of intercepting emails and verifying which websites potential growers or distributors used as part of their expanding collection of evidence.

Finally I have no doubt at all that they also had many of their biggest targets followed day and night, in a similar fashion to how the D.S.S. tailed my mate and ended up forced him to repay the £60 or so {see earlier blog entry}.

Now many will see this as clever investigating on their part, and I cannot deny that it has indeed seemed to have caught a lot of the growers / distributors as can be counted by the high amount of arrests there were and be seen by the vast amount of locals seemingly going a touch more stir crazy for no reason what-so-ever.

But before we rush off to pat the police on the back for a job well done, let us not forget how this all started. Which was, that "They wanted to find someone guilty of something to make them look good in the public image, and so decided to began checking private individuals utility bills for any patterns or anomalies".

Yet it is with that simple act they have blatantly chose to cross the line and are now fully invading our civil liberties. For, based upon this logic of investigation, it is clear that you are no longer allowed by English law to be an individual. You can no longer use any more ( or less) electricity or gas than your neighbour without it being monitored and flagged as "abnormal behavior which requires further investigated".

Neither should you ever allow yourself to be in telephone contact ( be it knowingly or not ) with anyone else whose usage is deemed abnormal.

For anyone with an ounce of logic or reason there can be no denying that the "big brother" superstate is well and truly here and appears to be gaining momentum every day.

And just how far will this inventive guesswork lead them?

They already have bar coding and CCTV in most high streets, and outside shops, so I guess also that anyone who now purchases extra long rizla papers, a bong { which are 100% legal to buy in this country, just illegal to use with banned substances } or a pipe { exact same logic } may now find themselves being monitored "just in case!"

But here is my final little bit of food for thought on this :- almost without exception everyone will fractures the occasional law once or twice in their lifetime, whether its by accident, rebellion, stupidity, ignorance, peer group pressure or whatever.

And the main reason why so many minor infringements go unpunished is that they also go largely unnoticed due to the fact that the police are not, or at least were not, looking for them.

With the police now seemingly happy to spend many man hours investigating people for a new myriad of reasons and with the powers to go back into your history as far back as they care to, it will not be long before many of these previously hidden crimes will become unearthed.

Once that happens, then just like the congestion charge, millions will soon find themselves being arrested or fined for something, even if it happened many years ago and has been long forgotten by all concerned.

Is this really the best way to fight crime and protect society in general from the hardened criminals and deranged psychos of this world? Or is it just a way of extorting money and massaging their conviction figures, just a lot?

Will this sort of utility bill scrutiny help rape victims, abused children, or confidence tricked pensioners? Will it save lives and take guns and knives out the hands of gang members? Hardly ... no, its a way of cowing the normally law abiding public into complete submission.

Now, perhaps more than ever, can Orwells vision of two totally segregated class of people be seen to be coming true to life.

Oh, and if your unsure of what we do to petty criminals in jail ... the latest press headlines is that the remaining tax payers are forking out so that the state can afford to pay them to play scrabble. And if that isn't the state desperately trying to use up all its resources in a mindless and anti-constructive way then I don't know what is!!!

Song (Soft Rock Ballad) - Love of the Blind

Love of the Blind

If I want you, but you need him,

and he loves yet one more.

Then how can any one of us,

have love call at our door.

For cupid's bows bent out of shape,

his arrows always miss.

With none around who turn my head,

enough to want to kiss.

(Chorus)

Love of the blind, love of the blind.

Trips up your heart, clouds up your mind.

Love of the blind, love of the blind.

Come dance with me and I'll make you mine.

We're firty young and single free,

though this can't last for long.

For your too hot and sexy in

that midnight black sarong.

I've tried my best to catch you eye,

but that's all been in vein.

For your out every weekend chasing

borish hunks again.

(Chorus)

Love of the blind, love of the blind.

Trips up your heart, clouds up your mind.

Love of the blind, love of the blind.

Come dance with me and I'll make you mine.

It's time to face a simple truth,

that you just can't evade.

For lust springs from the eyes it seems,

so if your cute your made.

And as for those dress look like me,

who are not hip or cool.

Just close your eyes and trust your heart

else stay a loveless fool.

(Chorus)

Love of the blind, love of the blind.

Trips up your heart, clouds up your mind.

Love of the blind, love of the blind.

Come dance with me and I'll make you mine.

Love of the blind.

Close your eyes.

Love of the blind.

Trust your heart.

(Chorus)

Love of the blind, love of the blind.

Trips up your heart, clouds up your mind.

Love of the blind, love of the blind.

Come dance with me and I'll make you mine.

Love of the blind.

Britains Most Dangerous Driver

There is a guy I know, that I met and kinda befriended on the train about a year back. We don't meet up every day, but if we're ever on the same train we like to sit together and natter on the way home as it makes the journey seem to go quicker.

Anyways, we were sitting on the train yesterday and he was telling me, and another mate we know though the same journey, about last weekend.

Apparently there is this road that he drives down with his misses after picking up a Domino's pizza that is always empty. Absolutely always.

Now, because Domino's is a long way away from their place, they never wait until the get home before starting to eat their pizza's.

They don't pull over and find a quiet spot, they just get it out while driving and have a bit of a munch.

{ Are you following this so far? We got a guy and his girl driving down a so-called "empty road" eating pizza ! }

Now this last weekend as they are driving and eating they see this car in the distance come towards them on the other side of the road.

At this very un-fortuitous moment a stray piece of pizza flops out the box and lands at his feet.

Arghhh ... pizza on the floor ... yeuck.

So, after checking that the car is still a safe distance away { but still coming towards him }, he begins to climb out of his seat so that he can pick up the fallen pizza slice.

{ Yep, you read that correct }

The pizza is a bit sloppy and it takes him a fraction longer to pick it up that he first judged. Just at that second he looks up and sees that the car has now slowed down, indicated and is turning into a driveway in front of him, and thus if he doesn't do something quick he will smack into the car side on.

So, still partly out of his seat, he stamps down with his foot onto the break, only cos he was slightly askew he misses and instead actually catches the clutch.

Thus, now completely out of control, even after throwing the steering wheel round desperately, he can't help but plough into the car which is then shunted right through the owners garden hedge and topples the small partition wall between their place and their neighbours.

Realising his error he chucks all the remaining bits of pizza back into the box and gets out to apologise and exchange insurance details.

Both cars are a right off, so it's gonna cost him .. owwie.

As fortune would have it, the car that was immediately behind him, and had been forced to pull over, turned out to be a cop in an unmarked car, who then gets out and comes over to investigate.

Just as the cop is about to get all heated and start throwing his weight around the guy who got his car smacked into informs them that he is also a police officer, only off duty, and having heard my mates version of events { highly edited to omit any mention of a pizza, fallen or un-fallen, no doubt } he accepts that it is an accident and suggests that no legal proceedings really need to take place.

With this, the uniformed cop gives up and goes back into his car, { I'm betting secretly glad that he doesn't have to fill out any needless time wasting forms, sigh! }, and my mate managed to catch a cab home where he continues to suffers from shock all night long and can't keep anything down through vomiting.

HE SAYS ... that he is very lucky and glad that the guy he hit was so understanding.

I SAY ... that he is a complete dick and as this is not the first time that they have decided to scoff pizza in his car that he has been wrecklessly putting peoples lives at risk on a regular basis and should be banned from driving & fined at the very least.

Needless to say, we had a slight difference of opinion on this. But what really scares me the most is that some of the other train passengers actually tried to defend him saying things like, "yeah well I often talk to my phone while driving" or "I eat or drink while driving sometimes too" or worst of all "it's just unlucky what happened that's all ... could of happened to anyone"

If anyone ever wonders why I look both ways when crossing roads ... THAT'S why.

I'd rather seem paranoid to many than merely end up as another tragic casualty statistic caused by a growing lunatic fringe of society that think it's ok to drive a fast moving tonne of metal with little or no control and little or no concentration!

Who are you???

If you are lucky, and have a pleasing personality, you will be blessed with friends. It's rare that you and they will ever fall out, but when you do it cuts you deeper than most, and unless your completely paranoid you feel they're loyal and have got your back most of the time.

 

Unless your a hermit, or eccentric recluse, then no doubt you will also have a fair share of mates, buddies, pals or chums. The kind of folk that your happy to pass the time of day with, but wouldn't give them the keys to your house or feel comfortable sharing your inner most thoughts and secrets with.

 

Then finaly, more or less, is the rest of the population of the planet. They are the strangers, the hostile co-workers, the familiar faces on the train you don't like or want to know enough to talk to, the iritating people who stop right in front of you when your about to get off the esculator or walk through a door. They are the unnamed masses and they are everywhere.

 

There is no escaping the fact that there are billions more in the last category than in the first two combined. Thus, although your taught from a young age not to segregate people, knowing where specific people are in your own life is still important and a worthwhile mental exercise.

 

In my opinion the boundaries should be kept loose and flexible at all times, as you never know where the next-friend-at-your-side or knife-in-your-back is going to come from.

 

Various newspapers and magazines have done articles with studies showing that you spend most of your time with your mates and actually only get to spend quality time with your best friends a few times each year.

 

Asuming that this is correct then no wonder it feels like the world sucks at times, as what this is actually saying is that "the people you like the most you see the least and the people you like the least you see the most".

 

While I won't argue on a global scale, from my own point of view I think that its all backward and I know the happiest times of my life was when I was spending almost every day with my friends.

 

I get soooo internally irate when my closest friends let me down, as I know that whether I like it or not its more than likely going to be another six months at least before fate will let us coincide again.

 

And I'm not proud of my actions, but, on several times I've just totally lost the plot and given up on some very good friends after they let me down a few times in a row as I suddenly realise that its been well over a year since the last time I saw them.

 

Does my entry have a point? It must have a point ... my agent says it must ... so ok, let's find a point. { private homage to BH }

 

Instead of wasting our short and precious lives with the morons all around us, ignoring our best friends for months on end and consequently feeling depressed or down a lot of the time, lets instead chose to be happy people.

 

We should do whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want - within reason ( i.e. murder or rape are big time no no's at any time ) - and live like were actually trying to make the most of every day.

 

{ But let's not forget that debt is a cruel and mostly unforgiving mistress, plus it is considered a prudent course of action to have amassed adequate savings / private pension contributions as a backup plan in case you haven't already gone out in your own amazing blaze of glory. }

 

The most frequent comment I hear whenever I talk about the places I have visited is ... ohh, your so lucky!

 

Most people just don't know, or chose to forget, that I came from a family that was financially poor and I have never so much as won more than £100 on a raffle in my life. Yet my family was, and still is, very rich in love and emotional support for each other.

 

Thus, while a lot of people are paying for sports cars which rust, luxury clothes which wear out, jewellery which gets lost ( or stolen ) and endless nights down the pub I CHOSE to spend time with friends and family instead and all the while built up a lot of credit and savings with which to pay for my travelling.

 

I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with a fast car or designer labels, I just don't think there ist enough right with them, and you never meet your friends down the pub and have them say to you "Ooh look, you just bought yourself a pair of Reebok trainers. Your soooo lucky !?!"

 

{And if you do get this all the time, and your over thirty like I am, then your life is totally FUBAR and no thanks, I most certainly wouldn't like to do a life swap with you! }

Family Poetry Night

As my family loves to have little formal get togethers based on a theme, last nights soiree was a poetry night.

We were all given a name pulled out of a hat and had to secretly come up with a few lines to describe them. Then on the night we pass the poems along and all have to guess not only who they are about but who was each poems author.

In typical Springate fashion, the guidelines were somehow either not told or not explained to everyone, and for an added twist to throw us off the scent, Liz who's idea it was, decided that hers was the one to break these rules the most.

Having been heavily penalised and critisized on previous family quizzes, I of course did follow the rules, which were as follows ;-

1) No names of people or places.
2) No more than two verses.
3) No more than six lines to each verse.

Below are links to the following 10 poems, as Tamzin did not bring her partner, Leonie and Leigh live too far away to come for just a small family get together, and Maribel has not yet met any of my family so could hardly be expected to write a poem about them, or have one done to her ... and also is about 12,000 miles away at the moment.

Mum by Paul

Paul by Liz

Liz by Dickon

Dickon by Nancy

Nancy by Dave

Dave by Nigel

Nigel by Tamzin

Tamzin by Frank

Frank by Kay

Kay by Mum

I hope you, err, enjoy reading them as much as we, ahh, enjoyed writing them.

She giveth and then she taketh away

If anyone has seen the comedy show "the office" and has worked in an office for more than a few weeks, they will not be surprised that the amount of irony, sarcasm and double standards that actually take place in a real office make the fore mentioned TV show look positively tame by comparison.

The last week in my office has certainly been one of those weeks as far as I am concerned. Ever since the take over of our company things have been getting steadily worse, and the politics have taken on a more intense and nasty edge.

On my behalf, my boss has agreed that I should take on extra work for our new owners, as their own accounts department has been allowed to leave en mass and although the work load is fairly small, it is still needs doing.

It was primarily accepted on the basis that we at least were guaranteed our Christmas bonus. This might make you feel that she is on my side, or at least our side, as we have many more than two staff in our company but you would be sadly mistaken.

For the same day she completely blocked any chance of the possibility of me taking over the role of head of our companies IT section, with the reply that I am already overworked as it is and do not have the time.

Funny as all of last week I was downstairs in the basement doing archiving to make way for new files and I am head and shoulders more up-to-date for a year end period than ever before. 

This is a double shame as the current role is filled by a lovely middle aged woman who :-

* hates IT,

* has asked to give up the role on many occasions and,

* has only just felt the time is now right to purchased herself a mobile phone in the last few weeks as she didn't want to confuse or bother herself with learning anything new!

Whereas I on the other hand :-

* am in charge of our parent companies Intranet ( a recent addition to my work that did not have a pay rise attached to it I may add! )

* run and update my own blog ( yes, this very one your reading now )

* have at least 5 computers in my house linked for online multi-play gaming and,

* am the only person in the entire company who took and passed computer studies / IT at G.C.S.E. and A-Levels.

Oh, and did I say that on at least two occasions I have managed to fix problems that not even our existing outsourced IT consultancy firm could handle?

It's not that I am bitter, but when you have the current head of IT stumped by a little things like printing directly from a web page, or not even realising that I have already coordinated the entire blackberry / mobile phone swap over beforehand ( so gets all in a tizz and sends out abrupt emails to the staff telling them to organise it themselves cos she won't be doing it !?! ) I can't help but feel that in a "progressive and forward looking company", such as ours, that the IT department should not be left dragging back in the dark ages.

And then what should I hear the very next day? That two other members of staff are being made Associate Directors, both of whom have been working for the company for less time than I have.

But it was the killer comment which came from our MD that really took the proverbial biscuit for me, after he was 'pleased to be able to reward certain members of staff for their hard work and efforts in the last twelve months thus proving themselves worthy ' - or words very close to that effect.

That really left a bad taste in your mouth and left thinking what does an honest guy have to do in this company to get recognised?

Yes a very bad taste indeed, or perhaps that was just me choking on the champagne, after knowing that said newly appointed directors have already been claiming expenses to take clients to "Spearmint Rhino's" and yet I can't even get paid properly for the work that's being foisted upon me.

The sooner some literary agent recognises my writing skills and offers me several great wads of cash for my forthcoming bestsellers the better.

Valuable Use of Taxpayers Money ?

If you ever wonder where all your tax money is going, here is a true story that has happened to someone I know quite well that just might give you a few clues.

 

I know this guy, let's call him "George" ( changed to protect the innocent ) who is middle aged and unemployed. I've known George for a few years now and although I would not say that we are best of friends, I certainly don't harbour any ill feeling towards him and we have always got along reasonably well.

 

Now George is not the kind of person to just sit and home and do nothing with his unemployed time, so he spends a lot of time out and about trying to occupy himself whilst also looking for full time work.

 

As Eddie Murphy ( or Axle Foley ) might say, like most normal people in his lifetime he has "fractured the occasional law", however I remain under the same impression of him as I had back when I first met him, which is that, by and large, he is mostly harmless.

 

Now when I saw George the other day he had a sorry tale to tell of his latest run in with the D.S.S. office. Apparently a little over a month ago they received a serious enough tip off that they decided he was worth placing under investigation.

 

So, for four entire weeks, they secretly followed his every movement. They followed him to his friends, his families, the shops and he has to admit that on one occasion did actually witness him partaking in a days casual part time work

 

Thus it was that when he was called in for a disciplinary hearing with his D.S.S. officer they read back to him his entire last months movements and whereabouts. It did not matter if it was leaving his house at 10am or arriving home after a late night with friends at 2am they knew everything.

 

Which meant that at least two people ( either together or rotating in shifts ) were being paid to watch him around the clock, not to mention having all their meals and travel ( be it train fare or petrol and parking ) paid for out of taxpayers money for a full four weeks.

 

Now I have never been paid for 24 hour surveillance work, but I cannot imagine a person accepting less than £100 for the lousy shift work. Plus at least £10 for meals / refreshments and a further £10 for travelling costs. So in my very rough estimation it would cost on average £220 a day to have him followed, totalling £6,600 for the entire months operation.

 

Then factoring in the relevant back office organisation, head office authorisation and general filing costs I have to say I very much doubt it could be done for less than £8,000.

 

Having been spotted doing a half days weekend work on one occasion he was penalised and forced to pay back a single weeks D.S.S. allowance, which was around £60.

 

Daily surveillance cost = £220. Total surveillance operation cost = £8,000. Fine awarded £60.

 

Q.E.D.

 

No wonder this whole country is as fecked up as it is with insanity like this rife in everyday life !!!

DVD Player Unlock Website Link

And for anyone who didn't believe me that you could unlock a DVD player for multi-region for free, just follow the link and try it for yourself.

 

Dvd Exploder

 

And for my bit of almost unbelievable news, is to remind all of you that if instead of renewing and upgrading your handset every twelve months why don't you instead ring them up and say you want to cancel your contract as you have already got a new phone with another provider.

 

Why ... 'cos I did this with T-Mobile and they offered to let me keep my "old line" as a spare backup just in case I needed it, for the insanely low price of £1.01 ( including VAT ) each per month I get 50 text messages and 50 free any time / any network minutes.

 

NOW tell me that they are not insulting your intelligence by over charging you at least £9.99 a month for line rental on your existing deal ... I bet your paying at least that much, if not more, aren't you?

Chinese, Koreans, Conspiracies and Bath Panels

Before anyone jumps to the wrong conclusion, let me right off the bat say now, that this blog entries title is not in any way my own form of shorthand in directing accusations towards anyone of an Asian origin that may or may not be involved in a conspiracy involving accessories of a bathroom nature.

 

No, it is merely the jumbled up thoughts and events that have happened to me in the last forty eight hours.

 

Friday night I was fortunate and honoured by my friend at work to be invited along to her birthday party. This particular friend is Chinese, as is her boyfriend and also were almost all of the birthday party guests, so you can understand why I, being the only person invited from work and definitely not of any Asian culture or background, felt both these emotions.

 

It was not the first time that I had met most of them, as I was equally honoured and grateful that they came along to my own hosted office quiz night, though it was the first time I met her long term boyfriend / fiance.

 

For a few moments I was not sure what he would make of me, as I still remember back when I first joined the company and having took quite a shine to her ( and not knowing she already had a boyfriend ) I finished a long running joke between the two of us by having a whole lobster packed in ice delivered to her in reception. Luckily for me he was kind and said that he had heard many things about me, but all good things.

 

The evenings entertainment was a karaoke party, and true to my best outgoing and sociable nature I managed to sing just more songs that anyone else without seeming to steal the show or hog the microphone all night. Although, admittedly, partly this was because I did actually know most of the songs ( well most of the English songs at least ) chosen quite well and also partly because I harbour a secret delight for singing when I feel fairly sure that people will not do their best to take the mickey and thus steal my confidence.

 

It was a great night, even if I did get all turned around few minutes after leaving the Chinese restaurant by a side entrance, for the private party function room above the main restaurant and had a winding circular set of stairs that threw me totally at eleven at night.

 

The second to last train home was shared with a bunch of overexcited half drunk teenage lads and laddettes, so of course for me this was a both a joy and delight ... NOT !!!

 

My Saturday was a bit of a shock after receiving an email from my Korean penfriend who had not wrote in almost five months. It was a very short email that didn't say much except that she was not angry with me, as I thought this could be why she was not writing any more, but instead that she is now married to an American G.I.

 

This did surprise me greatly as only five months ago she was still very much single and wondering if she will ever find true love and happiness. The fact that she can meet, fall in love with and marry in only four months ... to an American soldier posted in South Korea, to me seems an act of desperation or blinded romance.

 

Sadly for her married life is not how she expected it, and neither is he, and I feel that deep down she is regretting it, although I surmise that it is still too soon for her to come to terms and admit this out loud yet.

 

Sunday afternoon was spend trying to clean my bathroom and repair the simple two partition sliding shower rail. With no moving parts I could not believe that I have had to dump it rather than fix it after the two screen doors became jammed together and even after removing it from the wall mounts and hitting it with a big hammer it would not budge more than a few centimiters.

 

Sunday night I chose to watch Anzacs with my good mate only to be temporarily fazed by the fact that it was the wrong region for my dvd player. At this point my friend laughed and asked why I had not already unlocked it for all regions.

 

Puzzled I asked what me meant by that, and he simply informed me that there were dozens of free websites where you could obtain the unlock code for any DVD player.

 

In almost disbelief I felt obliged to at least go through the motions before telling him that he was mad, but sure enough with no more than a few seconds on google search up popped a site that had the correct unlock code, and free to anyone. Thats one in the eye for anyone who says the internet is all bad.

 

So within two minutes of turning my computer on to try and get the unlock code I was sitting back down with a drink in one hand and the remote control to a newly multiregioned dvd player in the other.

 

What makes me laugh is that he accepts that the whole locking is done as a way of increasing revenue, as is the locking of mobile phones for different providers, yet he still claims to be a staunched anti-conspiracy nut.

 

It never ceases to amaze me that people in general can easily cut through the lies spread by the government and the media on individual cases IF they have already experienced the truth personaly, yet at the same time they are willing to go blindly along with most of the rubbish around them  without any real thought and seem equally desperate to distance themselves from the"C" word.

 

If indeed it is true that "that the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist" then so too must be that "the greatest trick the true men of power ever pulled was convincing the world that conspiracy is a dirty word".