5 out of 6 published ... and still a chance for a full house

I just received news from my regular publishers that my fifth poem has been accepted for publication. I have only one left being checked out now and this latest turn of event makes me determined that I can have a writing future.

30 seconds from giving up on everyone ... 25 ... 20 ...

There are days when the world is beautiful.

There are days when my inbox is flooded with the messages of friends near and far.

There are days when by garden is full of so many guests that there is not enough food to go around.

And there are days when noone seems to give a damn and I stare hard at myself in the mirror asking myself why do i still go on trying, when its clear that other people just dont care.

I know that people get busy, I know that spending too much time with anyone is a bore, and I know that not everyone can write lengthy emails every day, but god damn it once in two months should NOT be too much to ask for.

Noone seems to be reading or commenting on my blog, noone is writing me emails on anything like a regular basis and my messenger chat has hardly ever anyone logged on to talk to.

Somehow my whole network of friends is unravelling and right now I just dont care enough any more to try and stop it.

So I won't ... i'll write for me, won't give a damn for anyone else and see how the world goes on with one less person that cares on it !!!

The end

A hint of my older life

<<Before I start this next blog, I just have to say that it does appear that noone apart from myself and David are actually regularly reading this, so I feel no worries about shifting gear in my language a bit and being more myself. After all, it may be open to the world, but if noone bother's to tries to look then its almost the same as being private really.>>

This last week has really been almost a bizarre time warp taking me back to my younger days, and without me really even trying.

It all started last Saturday, going to my friends moving in party ( vis-a-vee earlier blog ).

Bumping into people that I have known for years all in one place and yet again going over the age old great conversations like which was the best / favourite python movies, complete with impromptu sketches reenacted for everyones mutual amusement, it was as if the years had been stripped back.

Sunday was off to the cinema with Leigh and the rest of the crowd, that again I have known since junior school. Pirates of the Caribbean was again an old style film, with no sci-fi elements to remind you it is modern day.

Next came work. Now almost everyone has the occasional moan about their job, but looking on the honest side my work is so very relaxed about most things that I should feel very glad to be working for them.

Being able to wonder into work a few minutes late, grab some breakfast and chat aboutt lastt nights tv this week just didnt feel like work, but like college. It may have been that I have now got to a stage in my career where it has reached a plateau and regardless of my bosses constant reminders I can easily go in and get on with my daily routine without any prompting for an entire week.

But wearing years old shirts, eating tea and toast at my desk and chatting to the rest about the cinema over the weekend just didnt feel like work. The feeling at work continued with me arriving late and noone saying a word, and by Friday I was in such a confort zone that I forgot to shave and only a few people even made jokes.

Thursday was my own barbeque, and having given plenty of notice to everyone I was glad that around twenty people turned up. I had left work early and had enough time to buy all the food and drink, set up the marquis ( which broke due to its extremely flimsy design ), light the barbeque and grab a shower before the first guest arrived.

During the barbeque my family had turned up as well as my oldest group of friends there, and with it being in the garden during the cool twilight it just felt like the many parties of my older sisters that I went to growing up.

Also the conversation at times revolved around wargaming and models, which was yet another link to my past that I will never forget.

I made a good show and actually managed to run out of food, which was a first and as I did not burn or drop a single item of food in the embers, must have shown that my outdoor cooking has improved no end ... either that or I managed to find a group of starving people intent on eating me out of house and home, ha ha.

Also Cherly was one of the few people from the barbeque that were not of the usual crowd she has seen me in a totally diffferent light, mucking around with my old mates and all that that involves she had seen a totally different side to me ( as I knew she would ).

I always say that to really know me you have to meet me in lots of different situations and that I can still suprise someone years after they first met me, and equally that it is only at barbeques and DIY where my strong masculine / dominant side come out.

Thus, although of course there is nothing sexual between us, me and Cheryl had become closer through the mutual experience, though I was still not expecting what happened afterwards - being yesterday.

I also agree with Spider Robinson 100% that you can tell an awful lot about a person by watching them laugh. Not in a giggle, chortle or snicker, I mean a real go-for-it-side-aching-belly-rolling-on-the-floor-eyes-crying-with-tears belly laugh.

From me, it is the ultimate moment of tension release and only my closest friends can bring it out of me. Many have tried and come close, and I might give them a brief taster so to speak, but I do reserve the complete works for trusted friends only.

And then finaly came last night, which was planned as a quick drink with Cheryl that fast turned into an entire evening with her. We met up in London and wanted to try and find a different place to eat, so we started chatting and just wandered around til we found a place she recognised.

Cheryl for some reason has a very limited number of foods that she likes to eat - the opposite to me which is to try anything and everything ( well ALMOST anything ) - so finding a new venue to eat wasn't quite as easy as it sounds.

After a brief bit of late night shopping, where I somehow got lumbered with carrying her bag, we bought a few bits for her nephew. Being dragged into a few ladies clothing stores I could almost not resist the temptation to drop into my "gay hairdresser" pseudo character .. I mean, she doesnt fancy me and I WAS carrying her purse, so why not use the promps that I was given, ha ha.

We ended up visiting three places to eat before we found a great little spanish restaurant that had food she would eat, yet sadly our desire to get drunk together had been scuppered due to lack of alcopops or Archers at any of the places we came across to try and eat at.

Because she has seen more of my overall personality last night, I decided to softly nudge a bit more of her background from her - fully expecting her to balk or shift the conversation but instead it was like the flood gates opening and suddenly we were in a coffee shop debating if we should get the second to last or last train home.

As she has ground-hog in the morning it was the second to last train, though having said that we still continued, albeit slightly muted for the general public, and even once we got back to her place and her mum came in the door we were still going strong. Then out came the photos and I was in danger of talking through the night, so I had to draw a line in the sand and make a graceful goodnight.

I came home at 1.30am and soon was fast asleep, the end of a long and eventful week that had so many shades of me being a young teenager again that it wasn't scary ... it was full on reliving.

Rob & Natalies Moving in Party

I first met Rob almost a decade ago and although we don't seem to meet up more than a few times each year it is enough for me to consider him a good, if not close, friend.

He has a generous and good natured quality to him that encourages you to want to be his friend. He is both geeky enough and well rounded enough to have a sensible conversation about just about everything.

He has the natural flamboyant and over-exagerated expressions that would not out of place in a good standup comedy show. His life partner, and hopefully one day fiance, Natalie I know less but that is only because I knew him years before her.

Just as kind heartly she is the more sedate and calm of the two, but an almost perfect match and complements him in a way that few partners do these days. I have never seen them argue, fight or insult each other in public, are always smiling and happy whenever you meet them and always have great news and stories to tell you.

But the thing that I most admire about these two people (as I do with all my good friends) is their total indescriminate and randomness with their choice of friends.

Not that they suffers fools gladly, or will call just anyone friend - but amoung their parties you can find all manner of people, across the most diverse range.

Between about twenty people at their house warming party earlier to day I found old familar faces as well as new friends and could just as easily be talking to a computer geek, teacher, warehouse packer, nurse, biker, accountant, dole-ite (unemployed), squaddie (soldier) or merchant seaman.

And just as often you will also be mixing with all ages, sexes, races and those with disabilities ( mental, physical and the partially insane ).

Yep, although they are far removed from what the media would have you believe is the typical model couple, if I had to chose a couple that I would want future generations of the human race to be modelled upon then these two would be high up on my list of probable candidates.

At their parties, which almost always end up mainly in their kitchen, I have always found at least two people that can follow a conversation regardless of where I may try to lead it.

With Rob being a teacher, hockey player and llamalan team leader ( computer group that meet up and get massively drunk as well as playing games together in one big hall ) the night will always have some talk of the last gathering they have.

Role play, and live role play, plus paintball and up coming events will equally be almost always discussed. Then quality music and films, Monty Python / Blackadder sketches being re-enacted by some while other laugh hysterically will then dominate for awhile, before more alcohol is consumed, and then its either books / authors, anti-politics ( like how did either Bush or Blair manage to get elected let alone both be re-ellected ) before the clock strikes midnight.

At this stage I often bow out before I am actually drunk and thus before I forget where I am and start making overly forward comments / gestured towards Natalie or her equally atractive but slightly younger sister.

Regardelss of how civilized or haphazard they allow the evenings entertainment to become there are always, and I mean always, high points that I will remember for months to come as well as moments where I end up laughing so hard my sides hurt and if i am drinking anything then I have to force myself not to spray it around the room.

Although in my own style, I often try to ensure that my parties are as active as theirs, but with myself being less overly extrovert and also being slightly more concerned with the state of the house in the morning I never quite seem to capture the relaxed attitude of theirs.

Then again, everyone who comes to my parties always tell me what a great time they are having and express their desires to come to my next bash, so maybe its just the curse of being the host - in that thus far I have never allowed myself to relax enough at one of my own parties.

Hmm ... tricky one.

--- and just before I go, I am curious about how many people ( if any ) are actually reading this blog. So if you are reading this blog then please do leave a comment, as I love getting feedback and have yet to find any that I have decided was not worth posting. ---

Tricks of the mind

One of my favourite easy listening bands is the group "Deacon Blue".

The band had a number of hits in the 80's and possibly 90's, and one of my personal favourites is "Fergus sings the blues".

Whilst I was sitting on the train coming into work this morning I read the headline "Fergie gets Lippi" - and my mind jumped to the Deacon Blue track, and quickly afterwards I began to sing it - karioke being another liking of mine.

Upon singing the first two lines to the song, being "Fergus sings the blues, in bars of twelve or less." when I suddenly realised what that second line meant.

For over a decade I had the mental image of Fergus being an almost monotone singer who had a limited vocal range, and thus was considered a bad singer.

However, having seen an episode of Jonathan Creek, where the character Adam Klauss gets all melancholy and goes to sing and play guitar in an almost empty gin joint, the original songs lyrics suddenly had a new meaning to me.

I find it weird how despite a decade of liking and singing a song, and even half learning the lyrics, it still took this outside source to finally make me realise exactly what the song was really all about.

Equally strange is how the mind jumps from one seemingly unrealted event to another. From the millions of people who read that paper I doubt if even 1% of them made a similar link in their own minds.

Sort of helps to remind me how despite us all being the same ( human beings ) we are also all quite unique and different from every other one.

I also saw a vampire film called "The Breed" last night, which had some nice ideas but personaly I hated the film. The script was ok and both the acting and special effects were passable, but something in the storyline and character development just seemed so very wrong, yet I cannot put my finger on it ... yet.