I had a nice long chat with my mother today about all sorts of things, and of course my trip was high up on the agenda for many reasons.
It was a nightmare to chose where and why for certain places and I had to agree that it would take a lifetime to visit everywhere, see everyone and do everything that I wanted.
The main dilemma is that humans being are, almost by habit, walking wish demanding machines. All our lives we think, if only I can do this, I'd love to do that, why cant something be possible and so the more we live the more we want.
It is true that the happiest people I have met have also been the poorest, with little vision for what life could offer and almost no understanding of the many possibilities that are open to us as human beings.
Now I'm not saying that it is possible for anyone to just leave their home, reach civilization, travel the world and find the perfect job with their ideal partner, but it is true that in some circumstances ignorance is bliss, and the facts and possibilities that we fill our heads with the more the agony of choice clouds our thinking and makes us unhappy with our current situation.
My mother and I were in complete agreement that If I was in a job that I liked and was settled down with a wife and kids that my desire to travel would me much muted, and I would not even seriously contemplate the dream of every truly travelling around the world, let alone set myself a timeframe and go about finding out the costing of various trips.
I do not deny that I have always wanted to travel and explore the world, but it is without doubt the fact that I am so un-contented with my current life that has lit the fire under my feet enough for me to make this massive sacrifice.
Right here, right now, this travel is something that I feel I am drawn towards but equally it is that I feel nothing substantial keeping me here that is what is allowing my otherwise rational and down to earth mentality to be seduced by the desire to see other places, meet other people, and do what so few actually get a chance to attempt.
At first I thought that the trip would be a success if I got to see everything, came back and then wrote a massive best seller from my experiences and lived forever on the proceeds.
Then I mellowed to the logic that it would be a success if I got to see most of the things, came back and wrote a frailly successful book enough to break into the writing world.
Now, with actually having to try and pay for this trip, and already seeing the effort that is going into it, and the many sacrifices that I am having to make, I have come to the conclusion that it would be a success if I came back in one piece undamaged, having seen enough of the things that I really had my heart set on enough to make the sacrifices I am making worth it and to have been able to keep my house.
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