Ever since I wrote that first entry about becoming a hero I have not been able to think of anything else, and so the first thing I did when I got back home tonight was to do a bit of research on heroes.
Firstly, for the sake of the timing and metering, I will have to extend my name.. Heracles, Odysseus, Attila, Alexandra, Julius, Augustus, Asterix - all great men and all with names of more than two syllables.
Where as Dickon has but two syllables and just doesn't fit the bill properly. Hence forth, and for the sake of legend, I shall now be called Dickonius the Resourceful { just like my favourite hero, Odysseus - designer of the Trojan Horse }. I feel that this title is suitably apt as, just as what happened to my namesake, I seem to be dogged by terrible luck whenever I go travelling abroad.
{ I just hope that my final returning home doesn't strike a similar chord and end with me having to kill more than a dozen chav squatters in my house, as I've heard the local police aren't quite so willing to overlook multiple homicides these days! }
However, in labelling myself a hero, that is part of the problem. The heroes of yesteryear were most often than not rich and powerful warriors who commanded legions through a mixture of fear, experience and brute force.
But in today's slightly more delicate society these characteristics are not quite applauded as much as frowned upon, and it is much harder to acquire such wealth or social standing if not already born into it.
So I have to accept that my own heroic status will not be identical to those of my fore bearers, but perhaps I could still closely follow their achievements.
The Twelve Task { much abridged } of Heracles were :-
1) Kill a lion { that is impervious to all man made weapons }
2) Kill { with help} a many headed monster
3) Capture a giant stag
4) Capture a giant bear { and killed a friend while doing so }
5) Clean out stables { requiring serious irrigation tunnels }
6) Kill flock of giant birds { with aid of noise making castanets }
7) Capture a giant bull
8) Capture and tame 4 wild horses { and lost another friend while doing so }
9) Fetch a woman's girdle { and killed the former owner by mistake }
10) Round up some cattle { and also killed the rightful owner, their pet dog and a shepherd }
11) Fetch some apples { and swap places with a man who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders }
12) Fetch a dog { from the land of the dead }
Reading back over the list, it seems that all the tasks set involved bringing something back and / or killing something or someone.
Thus, using only a modest amount of artistic licence { and skipping the unnecessary death and slaughter wherever possible } I see no reason why it is not entirely possible for me to complete my own set of tasks based losely on the originals.
After all, I mean, how hard should it be to dig a trench, round up some farmyard animals, pick some fruit and play a musical instrument, if you don't have to worry about the messy killings and runs in with the local law enforcement agencies afterwards!?!
However, in all fairness, all these tasks took Heracles over eight years to complete, and I would have a hard time taking more than eight months out of my life without financially crippling myself, so the time scale will have to be much reduced.
Also all the tasks set were for the benefit of Heracles King and / or the local populace, and while I do not bear them any ill will I have not sworn an allegiance to "my god, my queen or my country" since I left the Kent Army Cadet Force almost two decades ago.
And so, as I am now too old to enlist in this countries army, I would like to plan and execute a modified set of tasks, to be completed within a year and starting next August.
As part of the preparation, I will have to save up enough funds to sustain my effort, complete my Spanish course enough to basic conversation level and also probably learn to drive an automobile, but this only adds to the fun and to the difficulty level of the tasks at hand.
Exactly where, and what, the tasks will be I am still debating, but if I can have them even remotely mirroring the originals and still fulfil my own hopes of saving the planet / environmental conservation, then I will return a very satisfied man and quite rightly deserve the title hero.
On a final note, I am aware that it is considered anathema to boast about ones charity work these days, and likewise it is only through the works of others that we know anything at all about the heroes of the past.
Certainly as far as recorded history is concerned, Julius Caesar did not keep a diary, and neither did Heracles or Odysseus.
So to keep the symmetry going, I do not intend for my own words to be those that are read in years to come by anyone researching Dickonius the Resourceful. Instead, consider my blog merely an attempt to jot down a few rough notes in order to help keep the later accredited authors works chronologically correct.
There, that about does it for now I think .... job done.
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