And The List Goes On

Yet another day, yet another crazy event ... you think that I would be getting used to it by now, wouldn't you!

 

What was so special about today I hear you ask? Well it being the first Monday in the month normally means 'Comedy Club' night, and in this tonight was no exception.

 

We arrived a little earlier than normal { my sister, her boyfriend and I } as we were unable to get through on the telephones to book any tickets beforehand, and at the kiosk they said that the comedians had all agreed to pick on the folks sitting at the back and thus choosing to sit at the front was the only safe place to be.

 

"Oh how they lied", and with hindsight, "Oh how I bet they wish they had stuck to their word", as if they had then the night would have ended so differently.

 

The compare was the Australian that I recognised from a few months back, who was funny in places, poor in others but had enough stage presents to hold it all together.

 

Allowing myself to be an easy target for my name of Dickon { I STILL say only the pathetic or the wankers would take the piss out of someones name } I bought him a few laughs and finished off nicely with a few quips about being a travel writer, which would have been fine if he didn't try and go into so much detail and almost had me admitting that I was lying and was really an accountant.

 

The place was only half full and I hadn't had quite enough to drink when the third comedian came up and made a right hash up of it. He wasn't really confidence enough to be funny and died with almost every gag he did, but he gamely struggled on for about ten minutes before preparing to make an exit.

 

Then in a last bid effort to make us laugh he said a joke about Jesus and the people he met, which "including tax payers and prostitutes", and as he said this he fatefully waved in the general direction of a couple of women at the side of the stage, and latched onto one who seemed to think he was talking directly to her by adding "yes luv, I mean you".

 

"Whadda mistaka ta macka"

 

Now I'm not sure he has ever tried that gag before, but I doubt he will have the confidence to try it again for a long time to come, as the woman and her friend then began a five minute muttering tirade before going downstairs and making a complaint.

 

This caught the attention of all within earshot and some of her comments were a bit over the top, for what was just a bit of opportunistic name calling, however she eventually sat back down at her seat but with a look of pure evil intent in her eyes.

 

Next up came the main headline act, and this is where it all went topsy-turvey.

 

As he walked up onto the stage he took one look at her, noticed her scowling face and for some unknown reason decided to direct his entire entrance and first part of his act to making her feel as small as he could.

 

He could have ignored her completely, he could have made a few quick one liner gags to break the ice and get everyone else laughing, but instead he chose to verbally attack her, insult her and strongly suggest that she leave, albeit in a slightly humorous way

 

At this stage I was cringing and just wanting him to forget her or for her to be too embarrassed and leave, mainly anything to end it as quickly as possible as I hate confrontations. However ... it was not to be.

 

She steadfast refused to leave, although she did rise to the bate and throw a lot of comments back at him, he in turn refused to let it drop and tried { and succeeded with the majority } to get the audience to back him and heckle her into what he hoped was enough of an outrage to the stage. He even offered to reimburse her entrance fees if she would just fuck off.

 

After about ten minutes of this, with nether side backing down and the whole think degenerating into a two way slagging match, in a bad display of temper tantrum the headline act said it was either her or him, and as the organisers were unable to coerce her to leave, he left instead, which pretty much ended the show then and there.

 

I'd like to think that he did it to try and prove a point, but any such hope was lost as he ended up walking out and thus disappointing the entire rest of the audience, and although a few insults were hurled at the woman for not leaving but equally they asked for complain / suggestion cards to fill in on their way out of the building.

 

The only thing that raised a smile before the very end, was one of the other members of the audience quickly jumped on stage and speaking into the mike did my favourite gag, "A guy walks into a bar ... ouch!".

 

I was oh so tempted to get up and follow that up, as I was sitting at the next table, with my "Cecil is a spider" joke but the truth is, I was not expecting it, I had not had enough dutch courage and the whole episode had got me out of the mood for risking mucking it up.

 

I am sure that if I had started and then ended up collapsing in a fit of my silly sea lion laugh then it would have brought the house down, but equally I could have been booed off half way through the joke, which would have really got me down and made me never want to go back again.

 

Thus I sat debating on whether to do it or not until the moment passed, and with my hesitation died the chance to start a Mexican wave of rapid fire jokes from around the room, as then the rest of the audience began to leave.

 

Darn my drinking coke and J2O to start the night with, as if I had had two more alcoholic drinks earlier in the night, and was a fraction more focus on the ball, I am sure that something miraculous could have risen from the ashes of the headlining fiasco.