Irrelevances

The other evening, during one of our frequent family gathering ( one of the many blessings of coming from a huge family is always having a christening, wedding or birthday party to go attend ), my brother-in-law mentioned to me that he feels that my blog is a diary.

My initial thought was that he clearly has not been reading very far back, but secondly that perhaps a few more mindless rantings and ravings every now and again can make it feel more unique and less like a pin hole camera from some bizarre soap opera.

So here, back by public demand, are a few more things that are less diary entry comments and a few more like minor irrelevances :-

If your a child from a large family and you ever have the insane desire to write your name on ever playing card in the pack, then always remember to write in neat handwriting or to take them with you when you grow up and move out, to save the embarrassment of future generations mocking both your stupidity AND your writing technique.

If the most vivid and easiest recollected childhood memory of spending any quality time with your brother-in-law is walking home late at night from the nearby cinema in a semi-drunken state and shouting out " Beanie Sauce" at the top of your lungs, then you really ought to get out more.

If you are spending all your days watching television soap operas and Hollywood dramas in the misguided belief that things could actually happen ... WAKE UP ... ITS NOT REAL. Things like that can and do go on all the time, but only to people who have a life more exciting that sitting in front of the goggle box, which excludes you I'm afraid. So if you wonder why you don't ever end up with the busty secretary, the nymphomaniac hotel maid or the blond bike from the local nightclub its probably because you haven't lived in the real world enough to have developed the social skills needed to bag them in the first place.

If your wonder why you can't ever win anything on e-bay, it's more than likely because your not watching the auction right up to the very last few seconds. The serious e-buyers set reminders and actually place their sniping bids in the last two minutes. Therefore, unless you put your highest bid at double what you expect to pay for an item you can almost definitely expect to be pipped of your current winning bid by a mere 20p and not even know about it until you have already lost it.

Shall I go on ...

Well if you insist...

If you are going to write a travel book then best you visit the place twice, that way you will be giving yourself two bites of the good-story-apple, and on the rare occasions when you have nothing happen on either journey, you can always fall back to the old reliable method of comparing it to what it used to be, what the last place you visited was or to what how it was or wasn't what you expected. What NOT to do is do a complete running commentary of every meal you have or to try to mention as many road or street names as possible. Finally, if you can mention anything mildly erotic or risqué then that's a definite bonus as there has never been a truer age old saying than 'sex sells' !!!