There comes a time when you wonder whether its you or the rest of the world that is fast heading towards a place where it's all just empty white spaces, lacking anything sharp and soft padded walls in every direction.
Then you browse a book, spot a newspaper article or overhear a joke on a passing train and you feel sure that it is indeed the rest of world that is heading that way and your safely on a travellator going the opposite way.
But what really boggles my brain, is that there still seems to be a large enough number of intelligence people who all become frustrated at the same things, yet nothing changes in the long run. I would have thought that with enough people all noticing the same things then surely one of them would be in a position of authority somewhere to rectify said problem, but no, days on end the same problems occur time and time again.
For example, I phoned up my current mortgage broker to request an increase to my lending and was given a quick and helpful answer and a promise that as long as I send them the usual bank statements and proof of income that I should have the money in next to no time.
Being that my first step towards a more eco-friendly was to request my banks statements via email, and that they refused to simply take forwarded emails to me as they were then unable to verify their origin, this presented a small but hopefully minor glitch to an otherwise smooth application.
However trying to get copies of my last few bank statements proved to be much harder than logic suggests it should. Firstly they would not accept the internet printed copy statements as they were not on official bank headed paper, and to compound the immediate frustration I was unable to request copies of the statements from the website.
Then after a seeming eternity of flicking between different pop-ups all of little of no use whatsoever I finally managed to track down a phone number to dial. After the expected palaver of selection enough options from the automated to have hacked into NASA and named myself the next pilot to head off into space, I was told that I would be unable to request them automatically and that they were putting me through to the next available member of client customer services.
Gee, there's a shock I thought to myself. So after one finally answered, having probably just returning from the furthest reaches of the neighboring office, and then retelling all my details for the sake of security, I was then told that I had missed the days print run and that they would be printed off tomorrow and I should receive them within the next 7 working days. In actuality it only took 10, so her off the cuff underestimate wasn't that far off, more's the pity!
Following the call I realised that it would actually be quicker to go into a branch the following day and get them printed off, which is what I then planned on doing. Heading into the bank the following lunchtime I saw that the queues were already backing into the street for the main tills and the internal cash point machines. However they have recently installed a new smaller machine, for the sole purpose of printing off statements.
Thanking my good fortune and cleverness for thinking of this, I proudly strolled up to the machine and inserted my card to request the much needed statements. And yet, despite the fact that online I can access statements up to a year old, and the bank itself stores all records for up to 3 years in its main archives, the machine on display is only able to access the last two months of statements.
Two months ... in all my life every time I have ever been asked to provide copies of my bank statements for anything it has always been three!!! Just like the throwing of the Holy Hand-Grenade of Antioch, the number of the counting is three and three is the number of the counting. Four is not the number of the counting and neither is two UNLESS of course its followed by three.
Credit cards; mortgage applications; bank accounts; savings accounts; changing doctors; HP agreements; drivers licence; passport; visa application; job employments, no matter what the reason may have been it has always been three months. Every bank in the land knows this, so why on earth would my bank ( which offer mortgages themselves let's not forget ), go to all the trouble of creating a device and having it installed in every branch right across the globe that only lets you print off two months of statements?
It is not only a colossal waste of their time, money and effort, but it also achieved the impressive achievement of getting me even more frustrated and irate than I was before it was created or installed.
Thus defeated, I was forced to regain the queue I first saw, that now snaked out past the door and around the corner of the following building ( no doubt where their telephone staff are all huddling together and laughing in wait until it is their time to answer a customers call ), until I was able to be seen face to face by one of their main booth tellers .. who promptly told me that they could not do it there, and that I had to return to the main help desk next the entrance / exit.
Having already blown every mental fuse that I had at that point, I fought hard to keep in mind my own glorious golden moment I was going to look forward to as soon as I left this circus of insanity, and retreated back to where I had been directed, where I was finally able to obtain my own holy grail and then left to come back to work, hungry as my entire lunchtime was now over.
All in all, I felt that an awful lot of trouble and inconvenience had been incurred on my part and for no real benefit or use, as they must surely already have all my details still stored on file from when I applied for my first mortgage with them less than 18 months ago.
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