Life after thirty is like Marijuana

There is a classic line from my favourite comic, sadly long deceased, that "Marijuana makes you unmotivated ... LIE ... when your high, you can do everything just as good you just realise that its not worth the f*****g effort ... there IS a difference".

Well ever since I turned 30 a few weeks back, I have begun to re-evaluate a lot of things in my life and its both liberating and slightly dissapointing that I can replace the M word for just about anything and it still often makes sense in as much as nothing is ever worth the effort.

Working hard, saving money, making friends or keeping them, housework, dressing smart or neat to impress, abstaining from sex, alcohol or anything else that you feel could be bad for you.

From looking at my close circle of friends, family, neighbours and work colleagues, I would not willingly trade places with anyone and all of them are screwed up in one way or another. Be it financially, emotionally, sexualy, religiously or whatever ... everyone has a few tales of their own uniquely fecked up childhood, past glories, dismal failures and heartbreaking woes.

Having tried hard to be positive, clean living, honest, reliable, faithful and everything else that I am still single, childless and with even most of my closest friends thinking that I am a complete loser or waste of time every now and again.

I tried to explain this to one of them recently, only for them to completely misunderstand me and came out with a few choice insults and putdowns that has pretty much killed off the last of our flagging friendship, and the surprising ( or not ) thing is that I dont really care any more.

I won't say that I have too many friends, cos only a fool or a saint could get away with that kind of comment, but right here and right now our usefulness to each other has ended, we never seem to have any good times together any more and its a rare occasion where I haven't walked away ( or been driven home ) shaking my head and thinking "why the hell did I even bother going to see them that night".

Likewise there are a number of other, previously considered good friends, who for no particular reason we have drifted apart and these days getting together is more an extremelly rare treat rather than a regular or irregular meeting of bodies and minds.

My powers of predictions have not been able to prevent me from losing yet another lodger for no fault of my own, and this is ony worse as I think she is hot as hell but sees me as more a friendly uncle that anything of a romantic nature.

Now it was this kind of comment that had my former friend saying that I only look on the downside, which is far from the truth. I am certainly looking forward to a lot of good things to come not only this year but this very month. However what is wrong with me feeling a little disappointed when bad, or sad, events occur that I have tried hard to prevent?

In my opinion not a lot.

Anyhoo ... despite my passion for reading, it is my desire to try and keep this blog reasonaly easy for all to read, or at least for all who can be bothered to try that is. Thus it might not be the most gramatically correct in places, and I will keep it relatively simple when other people might chose to go off on a very strange tangent or flood it with such obscure references that the only person who would really and truly understand all of it is themselves ( possibly that is ).

I used to spend hours each week writing and building up friendships across the world. However I was powerless to stop most of them finding partners in due course, and despite their numerous previous reassurances that "this wont change anything and I will still write just as often" more often than not a once or twice a week update of their lives has fell into only a handful of times a year IF I am lucky.

Others for no reason at all just completely stop writing with no logic or given reason. This happened to me first over Christmas a few years back and I thought that I must have done something wrong.

But then as it has happened a few more times I just guess that in life all promises given actually have an unwritten and invisible "best before date" and after which time even with the best intentions and from the most reliable source a promise can be broken, or possibly more simply just forgotten that it was ever made or to whom it was made.

Well I had better leave this here or else it wont be a blog entry but a mini book.

But from now on, no more Mr Nice Guy ... life and its denizens just don't appreciate or respond favourably to eternal kindness.