Set in my ways

It has only been a few days into being another year older and I realise something that is both sad but true.

 

I am set in my ways. Not so much the stereotypical daily routines of getting up, washed, dressed and then out the door but the more subtle ways which have crept up on me without even noticing it and have started to govern my psyche.

 

I do not like being let down, I do not like being ignored and I do not forgive easily.

 

Who does, you may be thinking to yourself, but for me it is that I have long ago given up listening to the media, colleagues and even some friends as to what is right and wrong and for the longest time I have only followed my own instincts of what is right from wrong.

 

So when I say that I do not like being let down, what I mean to say is that I do not like the feeling of being let down, whether anyone has actually let me down or it is just bad timing / justified mitigating circumstances or simply circumstances beyond their control.

 

Similarly is that I do not like feeling that I am being ignored, a strong and negative emotion that does not really subside when I find out that the person who I felt was ignoring me was just extraordinarily busy and did in fact think of me a few times and was planning on getting in touch as soon as they got a spare thirty seconds to themselves.

 

Worse of all is that I do not forgive easily, which is made all the deeper when reflecting upon the first two problems.

 

For example, when someone I invite to my birthday party does not show up and does not let me know I feel very sad and let down. When the same person does not take my calls and does not reply to my texts I get terribly down feeling ignored.

Yet when I find out that the person did remember my birthday but was out of contact and could not tell me I find it very hard to accept as a justified excuse and our friendship suffers because of it.

 

These three emotional flaws may well be my greatest drawbacks in life, and indeed in finding a lasting relationship, as I will often take great offense when none was intended and not forgive them quickly enough thus missing out or souring future happy events.

 

However, when I think about it long enough, I am an honest and open person and these are not feelings that I hide, so for my peace of mind, if someone is going to be unreliable the best thing for them to do is to let me know in advance, and likewise it will mend bridges far quicker if they were to make a bit of a fuss over me the next time we do meet up.

 

( For reference the absolutee worse thing to do with me, when I am feeling let down and ignored, is to get all defensive and try to defend your position firmly, as that will get my back up instantly and often make me just turn around and walk away. )

First Official Booking

At around 11.50pm on Wednesday 23rd April I cautiously allowed my lifelong dream to take its next step towards reality by officially going online and booking the very first leg of my journey around the world.

 

Yes indeedy, for now at exactly 1.30pm ( Greenwich mean time ) on Saturday 27th 2008 I will be flying from London Gatwick, to Toulouse France.

 

After months of plotting, planning, deliberation, discussion, confusion, realisation, rehashing and boring everyone that I hold dear to tears, I have now transcended from merely imagining how I would go travel around to actually really booking and paying my way around the world.

 

I feel as if a great weight of expectancy and uncertainty has lifted from my shoulders, and now that I have taken this first step all I have to do now is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and do my best from falling over.

 

As of this moment I am no longer the person who only talks or wants to go around the world, I am now the person who reached !!!

Impatience

I think that generally I am a nice guy, but at the moment so many things are niggling at my plans that I am starting to lose it, and the first to suffer are always those closest to me, as they will invariably be the ones who I see most of, but I am trying hard to stay calm and only release the anger at those who truly merit it.

My financial plans have been rocked by a succession of small delays, hidden costs, problems and hiccups, which are having a progressive knock on effect, and if I can't start booking flights soon then the costs will go up, making things seem even worse.

At present my home PC is down for the count, needing a major overhaul of its interior, which is preventing me from updating the many files I have and so I am feeling a little lost at sea with no way of getting my bearings.

Realising that I have been let down before on more than one occasion when I have travelled to a foreign country, I am far from happy about making plans to visit far flung people in places that I cannot even pronounce properly if they are only able to write to me once every few months.

With less than six months to go I do not feel at all confident in making long reaching plans to someone that will only contact me once more before I leave the UK, { especially if that person only writes a line or two saying that they want me to chat with them on MSN. }, and so I hoped by telling my various international pen pals when I was planning to meet them, that this would encourage them to make slightly more effort in keeping in touch with me.

However, in true 'best laid plans' style almost the reverse seems to be the case, and so now I am seriously considering scrapping certain extended legs of the journey as the person who I am meant to be meeting there is now displaying signs of unreliability.

As evidence of my growing frustration and annoyance at this undesirably high level of neglect I now recently gone through my contacts list and anyone that has not contacted me in the last few months have been simply deleted from my contact list, and thus will no longer for a part of my plans or receive any more contact from me, {unless they write back a seriously decent and continuous amount of emails in the near future}.

This may seem like a hard line to take, but I am not risking getting stuck on a chicken wire bus in the middle of nowhere trying to argue or defend myself in a foreign language just to prevent myself from being evicted by the local authorities all because there was a last minute change on someoneelse's part and they couldn't be bothered to tell me til it was too late.

And so, if anyone is reading this who is, or who knows of, a pen pal of mine that has not contacted me in several months and is still under the much deluded idea that I am going to take the time, money and effort to go all around the world right to the very front door of someone who can't even be bothered to send me a progressive, informative or companionship building email at least once a month, then I have only a few words of comment to say to you.

" WAKE UP - SMELL THE COFFEE AND START ACTING LIKE A PROPER FRIEND !!!  "