Set in my ways

It has only been a few days into being another year older and I realise something that is both sad but true.

 

I am set in my ways. Not so much the stereotypical daily routines of getting up, washed, dressed and then out the door but the more subtle ways which have crept up on me without even noticing it and have started to govern my psyche.

 

I do not like being let down, I do not like being ignored and I do not forgive easily.

 

Who does, you may be thinking to yourself, but for me it is that I have long ago given up listening to the media, colleagues and even some friends as to what is right and wrong and for the longest time I have only followed my own instincts of what is right from wrong.

 

So when I say that I do not like being let down, what I mean to say is that I do not like the feeling of being let down, whether anyone has actually let me down or it is just bad timing / justified mitigating circumstances or simply circumstances beyond their control.

 

Similarly is that I do not like feeling that I am being ignored, a strong and negative emotion that does not really subside when I find out that the person who I felt was ignoring me was just extraordinarily busy and did in fact think of me a few times and was planning on getting in touch as soon as they got a spare thirty seconds to themselves.

 

Worse of all is that I do not forgive easily, which is made all the deeper when reflecting upon the first two problems.

 

For example, when someone I invite to my birthday party does not show up and does not let me know I feel very sad and let down. When the same person does not take my calls and does not reply to my texts I get terribly down feeling ignored.

Yet when I find out that the person did remember my birthday but was out of contact and could not tell me I find it very hard to accept as a justified excuse and our friendship suffers because of it.

 

These three emotional flaws may well be my greatest drawbacks in life, and indeed in finding a lasting relationship, as I will often take great offense when none was intended and not forgive them quickly enough thus missing out or souring future happy events.

 

However, when I think about it long enough, I am an honest and open person and these are not feelings that I hide, so for my peace of mind, if someone is going to be unreliable the best thing for them to do is to let me know in advance, and likewise it will mend bridges far quicker if they were to make a bit of a fuss over me the next time we do meet up.

 

( For reference the absolutee worse thing to do with me, when I am feeling let down and ignored, is to get all defensive and try to defend your position firmly, as that will get my back up instantly and often make me just turn around and walk away. )