Either I'm a completely lunatic, an eccentric philosopher, someone adrift amid their very own mid life crisis, a hopeful dreamer or a time travelling enigma that's just itching to explode upon reality.
These days I find myself more and more confused, surrounded by people that have l have trouble relating to and both ignorant of what my future holds at the same time as being acutely aware of how fast time and the years are rushing past.
I am sure that there are countless millions of guys out there than in their childhood dreamt of becoming a James Digriz, Jack Killion, Indiana Jones, Jake Speed or Dirk Pitt.
A guy that is the typical troubled hero :- witty, clever, strong, rugged, handsome in a roguish sort of way, well travelled, unafraid to take risks, able to spot a trap a mile away, good reflexes, handy with a variety of weapons, has maybe just one or two super trusted and reliable friends, able to drive / pilot / ride almost anything, amassed many notches on the bedpost without securing Miss Right, cavalier, thrill seeking and with an unrelenting thirst for truth, justice and a super big payday.
And I am equally sure that less than 1% of them achieve a grown up personality or list of accomplishments anywhere like their fantasy idol.
Of the remaining 99% I would bet most either come to an premature end or reach maturity and find a mix of sport / tv / women / drugs / alcohol / work, enough to somehow get them so embroiled in the present that they forget that they ever wanted to be or do anything else.
But for me this hasn't happened. I maybe have the potential in me to do many great things, but for one reason or another I haven't { yet ! } but then neither has my life been overrun and dominated by anything { or things } that makes me forget these childhood dreams.
Whether its a blessing or a curse, I seem to find far too much time able to sit and think about life, the universe and everything.
Even though there are many pulls on my life, none seem to occupy me for long enough or often enough to get a firm grip on my attention and hold it from wandering aimlessly, and so instead I think on my life, where it has been, where it is now and where it is likely to lead.
And what happens when I think about my life, I find it full of many interesting things in the past, but a fairly boring present and an immediate future that still seems to be just a bit on the sad and lonely side, no matter how I try to weight the dice in my favour.
And what do I do when my mind falls into a bored and frustrated funk?
I look back over emails of my past, I plan with friends both old and new about going on holidays to wild and far flung places { in search of adventure, even if I have to create it myself } and I remember gladly that in 30 years my mortgage will be paid off AND not to mention that as I've already been throwing a hefty chunk of money each month into my pension pot for the last 8 years of so, my retirement should not be dull through lack of available funds.
But is that enough to satisfy the restless adventuring spirit in me, not by a long shot. Even before the bedsheets grow cold from the last romantic interlude I am already deciding who I should really be trying to date, the holidays I take are always too short and too far into the future, and my pension seems a waste of current available funds if I am to end up with no partner to enjoy it with and no children to lavish all of my affection and hard earned wisdom upon.
So what is the answer? ... Well if you know, then PLEASE drop me a comment and maybe you can save me before I embark upon my next mad capped adventure far from home in search of anything to appease my overactive imagination.
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